Judgement

I already feel bad about living here.. I have no right to say anything. I could see why they'd question why I'm always in the room, and assume I'm not doing anything. Of course they'd question if I was sick? Sometimes I even curse myself because I'd rather be sick than have s.a.d. How sick in the head and selfish am I to wish that? It's no surprise that they'd judge me, and assume. With everything that's happening recently I just..I can't even comfort my mom when she took a trip to the Philippines because my grandmother is sick.. I can't talk or soothe anyone's pain.. What kind of person am I? I'm the eldest. I should know these things..   I hate it. I really fucking hate it..